Hello

By: The Beaste

Note from the editor: we could not be more excited to introduce our newest staff member, The Beaste. As TB alludes to in the following post, this is probably a “in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn’t fully understand” situation. However, much like the Grad Assistant Jr, “it’ll be ready to post in a few days” from The Beaste really means “remind me in a couple months,” so we think he’ll fit in nicely. Please enjoy, and as always, thanks for reading – Ken.

The Gray Monstrous Beaste emerges from the shadows.  The blog nears the end of its first act⁽¹⁾ and a new antagonist is made known.  It’s like if you read LOTR starting with the second book (which I did for some reason) and you think Saruman is the main bad guy, and it’s only later that you learn about Sauron and you’re like oh fuuuuuuuuu…

The thing is the boys were content starved, or maybe just lazy, and that caused some sloppy and desperate decision-making.  Bring in a new podcast?  Absolutely!  But let it slip across a dinner table that you’ll accept any written content as long as it abides by the Rules?  Huge mistake.  

I think if Ken were to have, I don’t know, not fucked up, he might have considered who he was talking to… I mean, not just myself (god help you), but also my older and far crueler brother⁽²⁾. And he may have chosen less dangerous words.  But time, like entropy, moves in one direction.  Or does it.  Regardless, it’s too late.

All of which is to say Hello.

Mostly what I’m trying to do in this post is make Ken nervous⁽³⁾.  I mean, what *will* I write about, Ken?  I certainly don’t know, so how could you?  Strident political issues that will alienate 50% of our readers?  Boring dorky stuff like watersheds and geomorphology?  Weird druggy shit?  Straight up porn?  I told Ken that my first blog post was going to be just random letters, like “gjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgjgj [and so on, literally forever]” and he didn’t have a way out of it.  

You see, there are Rules to this blog. In case you aren’t aware of them, they are as follows:  I. No hate speech⁽⁴⁾, and  II. No real names⁽⁵⁾.  Fine rules, the bare minimum, frankly.  But anything else goes, apparently.  And if that seems like a bad idea to you, Dear Reader, I can only concur.

Don’t worry Ken, it’ll probably be mostly sports.  OR WILL IT

———

(1) of a 527 act work that is itself but a sliver in a much larger Volume

(2)  Let’s stretch this LOTR comparison past the breaking point and call him Morgoth

(3) Grad Assistant Jr loves it

(4)  Ken shot a pointed look at Morgoth across the table when he said this (we all laughed uncomfortably) and then Morgoth, bafflingly undeterred, replied “Buuuut, what if it was funny?” … Debate is split on whether “He’s learned so much though (*sigh*)”

(5) More on this later