CZECHS OVER STRIPES

I had drafted the following post last weekend, with the intention of cleaning it up and going live early this week. Some meetings and phone calls pushed publication back a bit, and I’m glad they did. On Wednesday Chase Claypool, whose character I had been planning on Gavrilo Principing, put out this tweet championing mental health awareness and acknowledging the challenges he’s facing. The guy has clearly been through a lot, and I give him a lot of credit for his advocacy.

I’m still going to hit publish because the post is tongue in cheek, but the whole incident is, for me at least, a nice reminder that you never really know what someone is going through, so it’s generally a good idea not to be a dick.

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As most, if not all, of you know, I am an ethnic Catholic and as such a devout Notre Dame Football fan. In accordance with the Council of Nicaea I observe NDFB games in the fall as a second Sabbath. You can thus imagine my excitement when Chase Claypool (a former classmate of mine, Notre Dame ’20) was drafted in the second round by the Pittsburgh Steelers in the 2020 draft.

It started off so innocent. Chase immediately embraced the city and her eccentricities. He began his career on a tear, scoring ten touchdowns in his first Eleven games. Over that span, the Steelers went undefeated, prompting this all-timer from our boy:

Losing? Never heard of her.

— Chase Claypool (@ChaseClaypool) November 1, 2020

But, as scripture warns us, pride comes before the fall. The Steelers would go on to lose four of their next five and were bounced from the playoffs in the first round by a lesser (fewer?) Cleveland team. This much is fine, though. I’m an adult, and I realize things fall apart. I can accept losing.  But there are certain things I can’t (won’t?) tolerate.

From the beginning there were oddities, flags that were not quite red but perhaps medium-well pink, in Chase’s behavior that I happily ignored. Chase, for example, launched a YouTube channel and a merchandise line soon after being drafted. Now, I realize NFL players have done far worse things, but it’s reminiscent of self-promotional activity / dumb shit that’s gotten some of our other receivers in trouble. He also maintained a colorful Twitter presence (see the gem above), but we let it go unchecked because we were winning, and if we’ve learned anything from Tiger Woods’ blissful life it’s that winning takes care of everything.

Tragically, things got much worse in the offseason. After losing to the Browns in round one, Chase responded by running his mouth, calling Cleveland classless and predicting they’d get “clapped” the following week. And in an incident underscoring how much he’s changed since his days in South Bend, a video emerged in March of him kicking a man in the head during a bar fight. I can’t (can’t) tolerate that.

Enter Najee Harris, running back from the University of Alabama and the Steelers’ 2021 first round draft pick. Najee is a martian on the field; in the CFB playoffs for example, he politely let us know with a simple hurdle that he is from different genus, perhaps even a different phylum, from everyone on ND’s roster. Critically, he is also by all accounts a fantastic guy. While Chase has spent the offseason hanging with lower case b-list celebrities (Paula Deanda? sick dude ?) and getting dressed up “to go the bodega” (there are none in PGH you fraud), Najee has been out completing corporal works of mercy, hosting his draft party at the homeless shelter that housed him and his family when he was a child. Now I know I’ve said some unflattering things about Alabama in the past but I retract that bit, for now at least: we must protect Najee.

It is thus with a heavy heart that I announce COS’s third endorsement; this time, we’re adopting Najee Harris as the site’s favorite Steeler and, crucially, removing the implicit endorsement Chase Claypool has enjoyed since the blog’s formation. The second they start selling Najee block number jerseys I’ll have one shipped to the ‘Ken.

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were.

2020 has been a wild ride for a single induvial.  Navigating the social dating scene during a global pandemic has had its ups and definitely its downs.  Everything from zoom dates, dating people from other states, long walks at sunset, the worry that someone is going to give you a disease, not going to bars or restaurants. All of these have been bounders that have made it a struggle for anyone who is looking for relationships during this time.  

The good news is now individuals are finally getting vaccinated and bars and restaurants are now opening up to more capacity comes at the perfect time of year. As the fall cuffing season has come and gone and now people may be going through the spring purge, everyone is excited for a “Hot Girl Summer” (shout out Megan Thee Stallion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS7cHwAmjV4) or a “White Boy Summer” (shout out Chet Hanks, big ups: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlYtIywInYA).

This is the time of year everyone has been patiently waiting for, even if you are in a relationship. What is a hot girl summer? Meghan says “It’s just basically about women—and men—just being unapologetically them, just having a good-ass time, hyping up your friends, doing you, not giving a damn about what nobody got to say about it.” 

This is the first time that many of us have been out of our home offices and interacting with people face to face in almost 13 months. So here are few tips to navigating this year’s Hot Girl Summer. 

1. Find an outdoor bar and restaurant: on a nice day take a stroll down butler street and see what is popping at Walter, or head over to the north shore and check out Mikes Beer Bar or Southern tier. Anywhere that has fruity drinks flowing, sun shining and music blasting!
2. Two is the magic number: Always have a wing woman or a wing man with you at all times. When approaching potential individuals to talk with and hang out with it is always a good idea to have a familiar face to bounce ideas, and conversation topics off of.
3. Chase Vibes, not behinds: Chase good times with friends and see what happens. If you chase vibes, you will always go home happy at the end of the night. As Meghan said, “Just have a good ass time”.
4. Fit Check: as Gata said in episode 1 of the hit show Dave “the drips is not on you it is in you”. Walk everywhere with some swagger and ready to dominate! 

I hope these tips help everyone, in a relationship or not to have a wonderful and enjoyable HOT GIRL SUMMER!

This has been long overdue. My contribution has been lacking. To be frank my mind has been elsewhere. I’ve begun my career and while I do still live at home with Grad Assistant Sr., I am in the midst of turning a new leaf in my life. Early nights and long commutes are now the norm. Gone are the days of the 4 hour NCAA 14 dynasty rebuild binge. Where I would stress about content, I now stress about how my last cup of coffee will affect my sleep schedule ( a wise man once said “mankind’s greatest asset is its REM sleep”). So I have decided to give you, the reader, insight into my new daily routine and a look into what makes a great Staff Accountant.

5:30 AM: First alarm goes off. I awake and resist the urge to look at my phone. I read recently that looking at a screen half an hour before and after sleep gives the people’s elbow to your circadian rhythm so that is my self care tip for the day.

5:31 AM: Second alarm goes off. I cannot finish a thought ever before the second alarm goes off. It physically hurts but there is no chance I could sleep soundly at night with only one alarm set so I set five to six depending on my self confidence.

5:45: Conclude self reflection. This is my most productive period of the day as I cover all of the necessary conversations needed to start the day in probably 2 minutes and spend the remainder of the time thinking about things a young professional should, like if I use the word superfluous in the correct context or if I talk too much about the par 3 17th at Birdsfoot.

5:46 Breakfast time. The day begins with frosted mini wheats, a solid dose of fiber to keep me regular, and a cup of joe. Make my lunch and set the morning’s playlist for the shower.

7:20: I am out the door. I’m sparing the morning shower and skin care routine from this article as its not entertaining and would attract more attention than I’d like. I hop in The Tank ( a 2005 Chevy Equinox with just over 360,000 miles on it. I am convinced I’m driving in my own coffin but Grad Assistant Sr. ensures me bi-weekly that if it passed inspection it’s fit to be on the road so I drive on).

7:55 : In the office. Have my morning pep talk to remedy the imposter syndrome. Boot up the computer. Send emails. Begin calculating the day’s unaccounted sales and use tax. It’s an accrual world out there folks.

8:42 am: The first tweet notification from Pat Narduzzi appears on my phone and any progress on the job my company pays me to do stops abruptly. Que up the 5 minute day dream about the 2021 10-2 Pitt team.

8:47 am: Email snaps me out of the day dream. Someone is complaining that their expense check is short 30 dollars. Promptly explain to them that the company will not reimburse them for the 5 dirty martini’s they ordered at the Best Western Hotel Bar in Chambersburg, PA. Back to accruals.

9:30 am: Second Cup. Free K-cups. What am I not going to use em? French kiss a French Roast and have a day.

12:00 pm: Lunch Time. PB&J and nacho cheese doritos baby. One of my favorite combos. One hand on the eats and the other scrolling through pictures of the par 3 17th at Birdsfoot. A well needed reprieve from the absolute grind of sales and use tax.

12:15 to 1:00 pm: I want one of the readers to tell me when my lunch ends because I don’t know and the lack of structure drives me up a wall. Please be reasonable.

2:30 pm: I hit a wall. Now that I focus on my health I have replaced the third cup of coffee with listening to What a Fool Believes by The Doobie Brothers. Literally has the same effect.

4:00 pm: Quitting time. Windows down, music blasting, the bliss of departing work lasts momentarily as I stare down the trek to the Squirrel Hill tunnel. I need to know why the traffic is so bad. I thought people complaining about folks slowing down because they are driving through a tunnel was just shortsighted but that is what it is. It baffles me. Everyday.

6:30 pm: Supper. It’s spaghetti night. As it is every Monday without fail living with Grad Assistant Sr. A solid dose of spaghetti, a gross amount of garlic bread, and a glass of cab for the anti oxidants. Garlic bread makes the world spin.

7:15-8:45 pm: Clone Hero. It’s basically guitar hero. I’m so sick. If 4th grade me was able to see me now, I’m positive the pride would be immeasurable. Currently testing the recording capabilities of the laptop for vid content so stay tuned.

9:00 pm: All electronics off. Seriously. It’s time to take a look at your scrolling habits. Your circadian rhythm matters.

9:30 pm: I’m out. That’s it that’s all. Dreaming of that sweet sweet par 3 17th at Birdsfoot at sunset.

And the give is to Conner!

Sadly it’s time to bid farewell to a local Pittsburgh legend and 2013 Little Caesars Bowl MVP: James Conner.

But Queens, He’s from Erie!

Technically he went to McDowell High School in Millcreek Township. Please refer to the 2011 WPIAL standings: https://wpial.org/wp-content/themes/wpial/archives/2011-2012/11-12%20hsfbstand.pdf

where you’ll see that McDowell was in fact in our beloved district.

Conner signed a 1-year deal with the Arizona Cardinals to reunite with former Steelers RB coach James Saxon. Hey you gotta use those 412 connections – it sure worked for our close friend Dave Wannstedt. Boy I hope Conner looks as good in crimson and white as our other favorite Panther, Larry Fitz. Will Conner go back to number 24? That number is currently unclaimed on the roster, while the 30 he wore for the black and gold is taken. Would love to see that.

People forget how just how great James Conner was at Pitt. The dude was ACC Player of the Year as a sophomore. You might also forget that he tore his MCL his junior year and was already sidelined when he found out he had cancer. But he was able to come back the next year and help beat Penn State 42-39, something I hope people in fact do not forget.

Conner’s time for the Steelers was certainly up and down, but if you’re a true Pitt fan that is extremely on-par. When healthy he wasn’t bad, which is unfortunate since he got injured if a linebacker looked at him funny. All in all he made a Pro Bowl, beat cancer, and made more money than any of us so we’ll call it a win.

I truly wish Conner the best. I can’t hate on anyone who is a true Pittsburgh guy, especially a Panther, even if he had a ghost writer for his book. I hope he stays healthy. I hope he see the field. And I hope he remembers that time he complimented my cologne in a Sutherland elevator the way I remember it. I gotta sign off. Time to buy a new Steelers jersey. Queens out.

Erie is an adult playground. If you have a little bit of money, you can do a lot. That was something a friend of mine once said and I couldn’t think it to be more true. Let’s go through all the reasons to love Erie. Starting with the fact that alcohol and beer is just about the cheapest you can get in the state of PA. Plymouth Tavern has weekly specials including quarter beers. That’s right, one small coin gets you a nice mason jar of Straub Lite. Yum. You can enjoy the day with drinks either at a small baseball game with some classic hot dogs or head over to the Casino.

Staying on the theme of hot-dogs, you can try a gourmet wiener across the street from the casino. Any variation with multiple toppings and the softest, toasted buns. Bet on some horses, play some slots, I’m not much of a gambler so do whatever you do best. If that’s not your thing no problem.

Erie offers a variety of outdoor activities. The Lake itself is not too bad for swimming in the summer months. Its quite refreshing. Rent a motor boat or pontoon and doc it by boater’s beach. You can jump in or wade around. You can also take the boat out so far the water meets the sky. Beyond that is Canada, pretty cool eh? Presque isle offers many hiking trails, kayaking, biking. The entire loop is about 13 miles. At the way peak you can find wind surfers or regular surfers. People are too creative. Maybe you like skipping rocks, you can do that too. The beaches are sandy and soft. Believe it or not but Erie is actually one of the top places for sunsets. Something about the way the earth curves and the right angles makes the light illuminate and dance like a giant lava lamp in the sky.

Enjoy the colorful skies on Presque isle or head to the Bayfront hotels and dining. If you stay at the hotels there is one with an infinity pool. You can swim around in the safety of the giant chlorinated tub but pretend you are in the fresh lake water. Live music on the Bayfront at multiple restaurants is common on the weekends.

Dance, sing, laugh, drink, repeat. Then sleep.

Wake up. If you’re up to it drive out to Northeast Wineries. Just the drive alone is breath taking. Water on your left with vineyards running on your right. Quite close to home for such a magical experience. The wine is pretty good too, particularly the ice wine which requires frozen grapes. Frozen is a winter Erie specialty if you know what I mean. Everything is frozen.

Of course this whole time I am mainly talking about visiting Erie in the summer months. Who wants to expose themselves to what probably feels like the Arctic tundra unless you have to. Unless you like to ski, then you should definitely spend a day or night at Peak ‘n Peak. Ski-beer-ski-beer-brewski.

Anyways, the possibilities of Erie are vast. This is written mostly from the perspective of a 20-something, no kid, singleton (Yes I referenced Bridget Jone’s Diary get over it). However if you have kids I’ve heard the amusement park at Waldameer is quite fun. Honestly, been there as an adult. the Ferris Wheel is really cool if you’re not scared of heights. You get a cool view of the lake.  The zoo is cool too, the children love the animals. Many definitely don’t belong in Erie. But they have the royal life. They never worry about predators and they’re always well fed. Actually there is usually something called Zoo Brew in Erie with local breweries. Maybe they’ll restore that post-covid times, we shall see.

Regardless of what you’re into you can find something fun in Erie for a day or two. Did I mention it is only a 2 hour drive from Pittsburgh? Straight shot. You can trust your Tesla the whole way. Or drive with your two hands, two eyes, and one foot like I do. My other foot is fine thanks for asking. But speaking of one legged pirates. There is definitely a Pirate booze cruise in Erie. Hop on, dance to the DJ, and drink the night away on Scally Wag’s on the lake. If you’re feeling classier there is a ferry. Or again, maybe you have a kid. Kids like ferries. Hopefully you can appreciate the blend between adult and child playground Erie provides. It’s simply all fun, close by, and won’t break the bank. Check it out you imupear (that is what they used to call Pittsburgher’s in Erie because what they really mean is “I’m up here from Pittsburgh”). It’s okay to love Erie.

1 It’s only a blog; we do our best

Owning CoS has been a bit less lucrative than you might think. Web-hosting fees and the free merch we’ve distributed to influencers are quickly eating away at the zero dollars of revenue we’ve generated. If the events at Archegos have taught us anything, though, it’s best to keep a positive attitude:

2 My mom staring down our dog after finding a pool of urine on the kitchen floor

3 Treat the blog like it’s a reverend

As many of you know, it’s unlikely I’ll ever confess the annual results of my most played songs according to spotify. I would, however, like to share my “Songs that I love” playlist. This list isn’t comprehensive, nor is it presented in a meaningful order. But these are songs that I love that have stood the test of time (please note that they are all at least a decade old). I would encourage our readers to share similar playlists in the comments section.

1. Everywhere by Michelle Branch (side note – take a look at Michelle Branch’s top songs on spotify. Her starting five could take the 95 Bulls)
2. Soak up the sun
3. Clocks by Coldplay
4. What goes around comes around
5. Just dance
6. All you wanted (see above)
7. Don’t know why by Norah Jones (immensely therapeutic, if you have not yet heard the good news)
8. Come clean by Hilary Duff
9. Beautiful day
10. See you again by Miley Cyrus
11. Numb / Encore
12. Ride wit Me
13. Stereo love by by Romanian DJ Edward Maya with Moldovan-Romanian musician Vika Jigulina

4 What could go wrong?

Too far Ken!

5 Low EQ comment of the week

Can you imagine being this smug?

“WhY dO yOu LoOk FoR tHe LiViNg AmOnG tHe DeAd?” uh why do you think?

#freebarabbas if you will (I won’t)

6 Why does Rice play Texas?

First off, let me say I’m sorry for the dearth of content around here YTD. I’ve been quite busy making calls and having meetings (probably for the best; idle hands are the devil’s workshop). The Grad Assistant is now The Graduate and as a working man he no longer has time for his éses. Queens is pregnant or something and Flay characteristically won’t return my calls (dig). Not sure what the excuse is for the dozens of folks who have expressed interest in contributing but have yet to follow through (I suspect you are all just cowards). Our readers and subscriber deserve better, and we will do better going forward.

In any case, we’re incredibly excited to announce our next endorsement, and this time it’s for the lady readers (of which I know there to be multiple, if not several): BlueBirdBrands.

Ladies, if you’re sick of baggy slopewear that makes you look like an early 2000s lottery pick, look no further. I have it on good authority that this stuff will be stylish, affordable, sustainable, and made by folks who are paid a livable wage (a lot of what gets written on this blog is in jest but this is not). Head over to the site, support a female owned business, and pick up some gear so you’re ready to hit the slopes in style during your post-vacc year (which, as you likely already know, is going to be a movie).

CoS only goes up ? This is for all the haters and losers who said it was a dumb name:

Often times college students find themselves coming of age while they are at their respective campuses. Whether you find a distributor that takes your Ohio fake ID or you did it the old fashioned way, you found your favorite suds shop and likely became loyal. The first time purchasing beer is a rite of passage and it is only natural to associate the feeling accomplishment with your distributor. On the weekends, your collegiate beer distributor is a commune for those regardless of major, social standing, or alcohol tolerance to find your chosen fermented beverage that defines the college experience. Life lessons are learned in your college beer distributor. No, you cant just buy two 6 packs and get a 12 pack price. Yuengling does not come in cases of 30 just 24. While the cashier isn’t judging you for purchasing 2 lokos and a pack of reds, the token sorority girls from just outside of philly most certainly are. But these are the facts you come to learn in your college beer distributors. If you were lucky enough, you would build a bond with the guy who worked Friday evenings who wouldn’t card your familiar face whom you were definitely “boys” with. Whatever your experience was it likely had a profound impact on your drinking experience whether you realize it or not. I’m sure most college grads can remember the cheapest case or the defining special that the distributor offered back in their day. In light of Mellinger’s (the reason this is being written) either closing or switching ownership, I would just like to tip my cap off to the heroes of college campuses across the US ensuring debauchery and case walls to be covered in the correct décor (I don’t agree with this practice just for clarification). Hopefully we can get through this pandemic sooner rather than later so that the casualties are limited. Mask up, stay 6 feet apart and buy IC Light.

The ‘burgh is a drinking town. Maybe you categorize the Steel City more as a sports town, but its first love is drinking. The Rooney’s have owned the majority of the Steelers since the 30’s. And how did they make their fortune? Oh yeah that’s right from a parlay at Saratoga^*. Ya think he was sober? Like I said drinking first, sports second. 

Anyway, I’m here to talk about beer, but not the ice cold Iron City your grandpa imbibed after a long day at the mill. No. Craft beer. That’s right. Unless you live under a rock, or worse the suburbs, you may have noticed some intense gentrification happening in the 412. Neighborhoods your mother warned you about now sport luxury condos and over priced lattes. Turns out these Northeastern (Midwestern?) bearded hipsters can mix malt, yeast and hops with the best of ‘em.  

Now Yinzers can enjoy fine beers brewed without corn adjuncts. Long gone are the days of filing into Southside bars more packed than Jason Kendall’s cheek. Whether you’re honoring Steeler Sunday, wallowing on one of the sad 162 days of the year, or pretending to be Irish in March you can find high quality beer in any neighborhood. 

So here’s six dope breweries in town – one for each ring. 

Dancing Gnome

Unless you worked for HJ Heinz in the 1870s you’ve likely never been to Sharpsburg. Here’s a reason: Dancing Gnome brews the finest liquids in the town, state, dare I say nation? DG is renowned for their IPAs and American ales. My favorite is their flagship the Lustra, described as an American ale though with its juicy hops I’d say it’s more aligned with your favorite New England IPA. With their range you can’t go wrong with their seasonals, stouts, and even English ales. 

Hitchhiker 

If you’ve followed instruction so far then great. You’re in Sharpsburg. Here’s a place that’s an 8 minute walk from Dancing Gnome, which is nothing even though you haven’t been doing cardio like you promised yourself you would. I love Hitchhiker because they can brew IPAs with the best, but can also throw out fun styles like smoothie sours and pastry stouts. There’s something for everyone – including that one friend whose beer is always suspiciously full. 

Allegheny City

ACB is a homey spot on the North Side where you get treated like family. They’ve got some classics like the Deutschtown Brown, Oceanic IPA, and Northside Buzz but always have something new on tap. Stop by during the Deutschtown Music Festival!

Spring Hill

A true hidden gem, the brewery resides at the top of Spring Hill with a breathtaking view of that giant UPMC logo on top of the US Steel Tower. The whole brewery is run by Greg, who churns out delicious farmhouse ales inspired by ancient brewing techniques. You won’t find a hazy double IPA here, but if you’re open to new styles make the trip. Join the beer club! It’s about the same price as a Bucco’s ticket.

Hop Farm

This place has more great beers than tables. They constantly brew new styles, often with local hops. The staff is friendly, the food is outstanding, and I feel like they recognize me by now (maybe they’re just nice). 

Stick City

If you’re a Butler County folk:

1. Congrats on avoiding Allegheny County taxes
2. Go to Stick City

If this place was closer to the city it might be the number one spot in town. Their brewing styles are diverse and spot-on and 1% goes to saving the earth. Not drinking there means you hate the planet. 

I’ll give shout-outs to Cinderlands, Eleventh Hour and Trace brewing as well. But what if you don’t like the taste of beer? Well then why the hell did you read this far? Drink local. – Queens.